December 13, 2009 Christmas Visit

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This post contains two recollections of what happened during that visit; one from me and one from my Mom.

Eric’s Recollection

My Mom drove down from Frisco, Texas on Friday so she and I could go see my Daughter on Saturday. I had requested that we meet at St. Paul’s Methodist Church in Kerrville instead of the public library since my Mom was bringing Christmas presents for Madison. David and Nora did not agree to this.

We arrived at the library at 11:35a.m. with presents in hand, and a little Christmas tree that my Mom was hoping she and Madison could decorate together. David stepped up to my Mom and me while Nora walked Madison away from us and over to a bookshelf. David leaned in and asked, “Are any of these presents going to go back with you?”  I told him that there are a couple that will come back with us.  He asked us to take those back to the car and not let Madison open them; I said “No.”

David said that they were unaware that my Mom would be there and that we were planning on opening presents with Madison.  I told him that my attorney was aware of what was going on and that she had informed their attorney last week.  David said his attorney was out of town and that he spoke with his attorney’s assistant Friday and nothing was mentioned about Mom and presents.

Nora told Madison to follow her to another section of books that were a little further away from my Mom, David and me.  I asked if I can say hi to Madison and Nora told me that I could later, so I followed Nora and Madison to the other bookshelves.  Mom and David continued to “discuss” the situation and at one point I heard my Mom say, “David, do not point your finger at me.” I turned in that direction and saw David turning away from Mom, but then he turned back toward her.

Nora took Madison around a corner and I followed. I only heard bits of the conversation between my Mom and David. Nora finally said to Madison, “Lets go to the potty.” I asked Madison if she needed to go and she didn’t respond, she followed Nora. I went to Mom and David and heard David say “it’s about family.”  I said, “Yes David, it is about family. It’s about my family too, not just your family.”

David asked if we were going to take the presents that Madison was not going to be able to take with her back to the car and I said “No.” I told him that children who have parents that are separated keep toys and clothes at both houses, and that when they open presents with one side of the family, some of those presents will go back with the children and some of the presents stay at that parent’s house.

David told us that if we didn’t take some of the presents to the car that we wouldn’t get our visit with Madison. I said, “David, are you telling me that you will not allow Madison to see her Grandmother, who drove from Frisco to see her, if we don’t take some of the presents to the car?”  He said, “Are you gonna take the presents to the car?” I said, “No.” He said, “Then you’ve made your decision.” As he walked away, I told him that he was the one making this decision.

I asked Mom to go to the bathroom to check on Madison and Nora. After about a minute, Mom, Madison and Nora came out of the bathroom and David was there to tell Nora what had happened. When they got to the front of the library, Nora turned with Madison and they walked up to the front check-out desk.

I walked up to the desk so I could be near Madison. When they were done checking out, Nora turned to me and said that Madison could open the presents that were to come back with her. I said, “I would hate for Madison to not be able to open all of her presents.” Nora grabbed Madison’s hand and started walking toward the front door.

I asked Mom to stay in the library while I walked David, Nora and Madison out. When we got to their car, I knelt down and said “Bye Madison. Can I have a hug?” Madison just clung to Nora’s leg. Nora said, “Madison, give your Dad a hug, it’s ok” in a tone that said “don’t give him a hug.” Nora opened the door to the car and Madison jumped in without giving me a hug, or even acknowledging me. I said, “Bye Madison. I love you. I miss you.” Mora closed the door and I turned and walked back into the library.

The two librarians at the front desk had this look of sadness, confusion and sympathy; it looked as if they just had their child taken away. They said they were sorry that happened and I thanked them and apologized for the scene. Mom and I gathered the unopened presents and the little Christmas tree that never got decorated and walked out. The two librarians still had that look on their faces and wished us a merry Christmas. We wished them a merry Christmas and as we were walking out, my Mom started to cry.

Mom’s recollection

The Brantleys were in the kids’ section of the library when  we arrived.  We came in carrying lots of Christmas gifts and a small Christmas tree.  Eric had just sat the tree on a table when Mr. Brantley approached us.  He looked very unpleasant and asked if the we planned on taking Madison’s gifts back home.  I said some of them, and he began to tell me that wasn’t going to happen and we needed to put out only the gifts she could take home.  Eric saw Nora take Madison around the corner so he followed to see what she was doing.

Although Mr. Brantley was agitated I continued to try and reason with him in a calm voice.  I said there was a table top easel that I wanted Eric to be able to bring back and forth with him on visits – that it was something that would fit perfectly on the library table so they could draw together.  I said there were gifts from her family that Eric would keep at his house, but Brantley was clearly angry, shaking his head and began to walk away without finishing the conversation.  I said if he wanted to fight about this we could go outside.

I’ve had 3 hip replacements and a knee replacement (and he knows this).  In no way was I suggesting a physical altercation.  I used the word “fight” because it clearly identified the affect of his words, demeanor and actions.  We were in a public building with staff and others, and especially Madison who I didn’t want to see or hear what was being said.  I thought we should go outside.

Instead, he wheeled around and said do you really want to do this?  And repeated, emphasizing “really”, do you REALLY want to do this?  His tone was threatening but I said yes because I did not understand why he was so upset.  He came striding back over to me.  He got very close and was pointing his finger at my chest.  His face was very hateful.  I don’t remember exactly what he said because at that point I was feeling attacked.  He had a brief case in his hand and I fully expected to feel it on the side of my head!  I said to him firmly, don’t point your finger at me!

He stopped pointing his finger and I said, David, my mother died in September without ever getting to see her great granddaughter.  He sneered (yes, sneered) and said whose fault is that.  And repeated, Whose fault is that!  I said it’s your fault because you and Nora continue to hold Madison hostage from her family!  I asked him whose fault he thought it was.  He was very patronizing in his answer.  He said, well let’s see…What do you think about a parent who throws the mother of his child in jail?  What do you think about a parent who doesn’t have one thing to do with his child for the first year of her life?  What do you think about a parent who hasn’t given one cent to help support her?

I said do you want answers to those questions or are you just unloading on me?  He said I KNOW the answers!  I reminded him that he and Nora told me and Eric a long time ago that they did not want any money from Eric, and that on several later occasions he had told Eric he didn’t want or expect financial support from him.  He said yes I told him that.  I asked if he then expected Eric to believe him or figure out that he didn’t really mean it.  I said Eric had been working his way through school and didn’t have an extra dime.  He said that’s not Maddy’s fault, sneering again.

He again said we couldn’t give Madison any gifts that she couldn’t take home.  I said if they had allowed her to have Christmas at her Daddy’s home it wouldn’t be a problem.  He said THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.  He then said the one time they had brought her to Eric’s for Christmas two years ago, she was heartbroken that she had to leave her gifts there although that is not the way I remember it.  He looked very angry again and said I SWORE that would never happen again!  He said you need to understand how emotional that was for me!  I said it was very emotional for us too.

At that point, Eric walked up and said, David it’s not unusual for children who go back and forth from one parent’s home to the other to have toys in both places that they leave there.  Kids can understand that.  David said again, it’s not gonna happen.  He then said he didn’t even know I was in town or that we were going to do this.  I said then you need to talk to your lawyer because he was informed.  David said my lawyer’s out of town and I just talked to the assistant yesterday.  I said, well that’s not our problem, we’re here to have Christmas with Madison.  He again said we had to put gifts that she could not take home back in our car.

Eric said no that it wasn’t right for her to not be able to open all her gifts.  David said, do you want to have Christmas with her?  Eric said of course.  David said, then take the gifts out of here.  Eric said no.  David said, then you are making the decision to not have Christmas.  Eric said, no David, YOU are making the decision.  Madison’s grandma drove all the way here from Frisco.  Are you going to deny Madison time with her too?

David said see you in court and walked away to go find Nora.  Eric told me they were in the bathroom and asked if I would go in there to check on them.  I did and Madison was washing her hands.  I said that I had a little Christmas tree and some ornaments and asked if she would like to help me decorate it.  She smiled and Nora said something about fun, but as soon as we walked out of the restroom, Mr. Brantley was there.

He spoke to Nora and they went to the library counter and checked out some books.  Nora said something else about the gifts and Eric said he didn’t think it would be right for her to open some of her gifts and not others.  She took Madison’s hand and they all walked out the door.  Eric went out to say goodbye to Madison and I broke down and cried.

In summary, I believe that Mr. Brantley “came undone” and simply could not hold back the anger he has been harboring for several years.  It is clear that he did not care about anything but having his say and that he was completely closed to a discussion.  I believe that the Brantleys have made Eric the target of all the rage and shame they feel for their own daughter, Madison’s mother.  Madison is their “do over” and they are not giving her up.  They have done everything they can to prevent Eric from having a normal, father-daughter relationship, and they will continue to do so as long as they have custody of her.  The episode at the library brought to light the Brantley’s true feelings.  Underneath the usual pleasant demeanor and masked smiles, Nora and David Brantley hate Eric and will continue to punish him by withholding his daughter from him.  How many counselors, how many mediators, how many judges is it going to take before someone realizes this is an impossible situation as long as the Brantley’s have any decision-making power for Madison.  Eric has been denied his rights as a father for FIVE years.  This needs to be over.  NOW.