I’ve been fighting for my rights as a father since 2004. During that time, I’ve spent close to $50,000 on attorney fees and court costs. Additionally, over the years the court ordered all parties to have evaluations by psychiatrists, therapists, and counselors that were paid for out of pocket. In 2015 alone I drove over 12,000 miles just to be able to spend a few hours with my daughter.

Why has this happened? I’ve been asking myself that same question since the beginning. Before I answer it, let me clear up any doubt you might have about me and/or my intentions. I am a healthy, intelligent, 40-something man with a university degree in business management. When I found out I was going to be a father, I cleaned up my college act of drinking & partying and focused on getting my education and taking care of my daughter, Madison.

I am divorced with no biological children from that marriage. I lived in the Austin/San Antonio area for 15 years, but have since moved back to the Frisco, Texas area. I own my own business and work at it full time. I have an outstanding reputation with City officials, business owners and organizations in the cities I near me, and the church I volunteer at. I’ve never been arrested for questionable conduct with a child. I love my daughter and devoted eleven years of my life to being her father.

So to answer the question, I’ll give you the back story:

Jennifer is Madison’s mom. David and Nora are Madison’s maternal grandparents, and have attended a southern Baptist church for most of their lives.

My daughter’s mother, Jennifer, and I were never married. We dated in college and had broken up before she got pregnant. However, when she told me she was pregnant, I said I would be there for her and fulfill all my obligations as a father. I even allowed her to move into a 3rd bedroom in my house so she wouldn’t have to worry about paying rent.

Unfortunately, Jennifer was mentally unstable and ended up going home to her parents for a majority of the pregnancy. She told me later they made her cut off all contact with me, and she warned me that her Dad had guns and she feared for my life if I came to their house. I was totally in the dark and didn’t even know when my daughter had been born. Because of this, my name was not put on the birth certificate.

Jennifer called me after moving out of her parent’s home with our 8 mo. old daughter. She wanted money. She said I could see Madison if I would pay some of her bills. Of course I did. I had to see and hold my child.

After the 2nd time I was able to see her, Jennifer’s neighbors called Child Protective Services because Madison had been left alone several times. I had no knowledge of this and was devastated to learn that, since my name was not on the birth certificate, CPS had turned Madison over to Jennifer’s parents. Within days, the grandparents, David and Nora, sued for temporary custody and when asked if there was a father to contact, they said no even though they knew me and had my contact information. Temporary conservatorship was given to them. They refused to allow me any contact with my daughter. Their strategy to alienate me from my daughter began right then, and they have been relentless about it since.

I filed child support paperwork with the state Attorney General’s office and requested a paternity test in order to establish my rights as her biological father. When the court finally picked up my case on October 26, 2006, nearly one year after filing the paperwork, the Judge ordered only 2 hours of visitation a month! David and Nora had complete say over when and where this could happen.

Over the years and despite many psychological evaluations, counselors, therapists and psychiatrists’ recommendations that my daughter’s time with me be increased, the grandparents kept it at 2 hours/month until June, 2014, with only a handful of exceptions. That’s roughly a total of 8 full days out of 2,790 days that I’ve had to build a relationship and bond with my daughter.

David and Nora did everything they could to delay getting back into court, and continued their strategy of parental alienation. For example, they made me meet only in the public library with my daughter once a month for two years while they hovered in the background or had one of their friends spy on us. What kind of message does this send a child?

David and Nora are well-connected in their community, they have money, and they have attended the local Baptist church for most of their lives. I believe they are punishing me for not marrying their daughter. They say they have my daughter’s best interest at heart, but sabotaging her relationship with her father is not in her best interest. They signal to her in so many ways that I am a bad person, not to be trusted.

The first judge who heard the case retired. The next judge knew David and Nora and attends the same Baptist church. He assured me that this would have no bearing on the case, but he allowed the grandparents delay after delay, year after year, sending us for more psychological evaluations, counseling, etc. He refused to rule on the case and ordered mediation. After six months and hundreds of dollars each session, the mediator reported to the judge that the case couldn’t be mediated. Instead of ruling, the judge used our scheduled court time to try and mediate the case himself – to no avail.

I had gathered all the funds I could by refinancing my car, using savings and borrowing from relatives to give the case one final push to get my rights as a father, and the judge didn’t rule. My attorney, after several years of wasted time and money, finally asked him to recuse himself. He did and the original judge, who had come out of retirement, got the case again.

During this time, Jennifer became pregnant and married another man. They had a son and after a couple of years of marriage, he filed for divorce. She didn’t even show up to the final hearing so the father was awarded full custody, even though David and Nora tried to get shared custody of that child.

Then, Jennifer reappeared with another child and married a man who was not the child’s father. He filed for divorce not long after they had been married. Since he wasn’t the biological father, David and Nora sued for custody of that child, and were awarded custody since Jennifer never showed up to their hearings. Now David and Nora are raising a little girl and a younger boy, the same as when raising their own children; Jennifer has a younger brother.

June 16, 2014 is when the court finally ordered a modified, standard stair-stepped visitation leading to overnight visits. My daughter and I would see a counselor to help the transition. I was so happy and thought the case was done.

Mid-August, my wife and I meet with our pastor to discuss marital issues. During this meeting my wife said she had noticed signs of depression in me so I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and was on antidepressant medication within a week. The first type of medication didn’t work, so the following week I started a new medication that started helping.

On August 26th my Dad passed from cirrhosis of the liver; he had been in ICU for nearly a month. I wasn’t able to go see him before he passed.

Mid-September my wife and I were supposed to go to Dallas so I could see my grandpa for his 93rd birthday (he had been in skilled nursing for nearly a year and continued to go downhill) and so my wife could go to a soccer game with her brother and Dad (her dad was going to be part of various military service members to be recognized). I received a text from her saying she didn’t want to go to Dallas together and that she was filing for divorce. After some conversation, I told her we didn’t have the finances to go to Dallas separately; I didn’t go to Dallas to see my grandpa for his birthday.

On October 3rd, my Grandpa passed.

October 11th would have been my Dad’s 66th birthday.

During this time I moved into a bunkhouse that some friends from church have on their ranch. It was large enough for a queen-size bed, a couch that folds out into a queen-size bed, their pool table, and other types of furniture.

The middle of October, using another delay tactic, David and Nora filed a restraining order by manipulating what the counselor had said to all of us regarding our visitation. The counselor was shocked that they would do something that manipulative, and on the stand told the judge that she refuses to see them anymore because she doesn’t want to give them a chance to twist her words. She also told the judge that she believes they have been the crux of all of the problems that have happened, and that this was Nora’s “do over” to prove to herself that she can raise children. The judge promptly dissolved the restraining order and ordered that the visitation schedule continue.

When I picked Madison up for our very first overnight visit, David and Nora were very confrontational with me asking me where we were going and not allowing Madison to get out of the truck. I had already let them know the address where I was staying and the sleeping arrangements. Madison yelled at me from within the truck and I told her not to yell at me; David told me not to talk to her that way. He was basically telling her it was ok to yell at me.

Nora said something from within the truck and I couldn’t hear her, so I stepped closer to the drivers side of the truck since that door was open. David told me to get away from his truck; I let him know I couldn’t hear what Nora was telling me and asked her to repeat herself. Then David pushed me away from his truck while Madison was watching. Thankfully I had thought ahead and started recording audio before this interaction.

When picked up Madison for following visits, I would always have a police officer present and would record video in case something happened again. Madison would be quiet at first, but then would relax and have fun watching movies, doing crafts, wading in the river, playing with my dog, visiting my friends. I was finally able to take her to my church and introduce her to my church family.

December 15th my divorce was finalized.

In February, 2015, I moved into a two bedroom apartment in San Marcos, Texas.

Once again, the grandparents filed a restraining order citing the emotional stress my daughter was experiencing although she seemed fine when they were not around. This time, they had hired a therapist without telling me, and lied to me about it, who wrote a letter that they used for the restraining order. Never once had the therapist tried to get in touch with me to ask about my relationship with my daughter.

The judge reduced the visitation time and ordered yet another psychological evaluation but only for my daughter this time. Under the reduced visitation order, which was in effect until the judge received the psychiatrist’s report, I had to drive between 450-550 miles twice a month to see my daughter. For our weekend visits, we had about 11 hours total together and spent about 4 hours of it in the car because of how far the drive was. I informed the judge of this, but he still ordered visitations remain this way.

How is this good for her? How are we supposed to grow our relationship? I can’t make a dent in the years of parental alienation tactics her grandparents have used in such a limited amount of time.

David and Nora delayed in scheduling the evaluation, forcing me to have my attorney request the court to set a firm deadline for the evaluation to be done. By the time the evaluation had been done, seven months had gone by.

David and Nora held my daughter hostage from me and my family for twelve years. During this time, she has missed so much:

• She’s never been in my mother’s home.
• Both of her great-grandfathers died before she could meet them.
• Her great-grandmother died before she could meet her.
• Her grandfather died before getting to meet his granddaughter.
• She’s only spent one Christmas, one birthday and one Thanksgiving with me without her grandparents hovering around. Any other holiday that she has been allowed to spend with me and my family, her grandparents have been there.
• She’s seen her cousins (my brother’s family) only twice.
• She’s never met her other aunts and uncles.
• She’s never met her great aunt and uncle (he is a Methodist minister).

It’s cruel to alienate her from her father who loves her and from the rest of her family who is of good character and who has waited over eleven years to welcome her.

David and Nora will never change what they’re doing. They have convinced themselves and lied to others in order to convince them that they are doing what’s right for my daughter. However, their actions are only for selfish reasons.

Unfortunately I had to make one of the hardest decisions a parent will ever have to make. Since David and Nora would not stop putting her in the middle of our disagreements, and after a lot of praying, talking with the counselor Madison and I had seen before, and talking with my attorney, I decided the only way to remove Madison from these situations was to no longer require visitation.

I scheduled an appointment for January 10, 2016 with the counselor so she could help explain to Madison why I came to this decision. During our meeting I let her know that I was going to keep some of her things in her toy box for her. Our counselor told her it is her responsibility to get them from me when she’s older. She also told Madison that if she ever feels the desire to reach out to me, that it’s ok, despite what anyone else might tell her.

I never told Madison or her grandparents that I scheduled this appointment, however, while we were in the appointment a police officer showed up (the grandparents gave Madison a cell phone at some point over the past year and had GPS enabled on it so they could monitor where she and I went during our visits). Madison’s grandparents had called the police department to have an officer check on Madison! I can only assume they did this because they were mad at the counselor for what she said about them at the previous hearing.

The counselor stepped out of the office to talk to the officer, and he told the counselor that he didn’t understand why he was even there.

Fortunately, the counselor was able to use this as an example to explain to Madison how her grandparents continue to put her in situations no child should be put in the middle of.

The following day my attorney sent David and Nora’s attorney my proposal. To my surprise they accepted it with only one small modification.

After this, and even though the new court order wasn’t signed until the beginning of March, David and Nora no longer let Madison see or talk to me. I didn’t get to see her for her 11th birthday, which was January 18, 2016.

January 10, 2016 was the last time I’ve seen or talked to my daughter. I have never received a card for Father’s Day, my birthday or any holiday. Any card that I’ve sent her have been returned to me. I don’t even know if she’s aware that I’ve been sending her cards.

Thankfully, the court orders state that I’m to be listed on her school and doctor’s records. Because of this, I get to see her growing up through her school pictures.

I have forgiven David and Nora for their actions. I ask that you agree with me in prayer that God opens their hearts to receive His word of love and forgiveness; that He gives them the strength to let go of the darkness that has been ruling their lives; that He gives them the courage to let go of the need to control everything in their lives and trust that God is in control; that they hear and follow His voice; that they allow Madison to have a relationship with her paternal family; that they stop manipulating Madison into thinking we aren’t good people.