On Friday, November 22, 2024, I had Kora euthanized. She came into my life on Father’s Day, 2010 as a puppy. The vets said she was probably born in January of that year. My wife, at the time, and I put out notices that we found her, but no one claimed her. From that time, I said she was God’s Father’s Day gift to me. Little did I know that would turn into, “…because He knew that I would need her.”

Today is Sunday, November 24, 2024.

I forced myself to get up, fix coffee and go on the porch to read scripture this morning. I read Matthew 7-9. Most of it is about Jesus healing people. I realized that God was in Kora. He came to me through her so many times because he knew I needed a physical form to accept his love and guidance. I failed many times to recognize that, as most people do. However, it’s not lost. I knew Kora would want me to come outside with her, but I didn’t because it was easier to stay in my pain.

Late Friday morning we went to the park so she could watch the birds in the pond and enjoy being outside in a new area. When we got home I stayed on the porch with her for so long, and she was content. She was on her bed and I was sitting in a chair next to her. When I went inside to do something, she would knock on the door. I would let her in and she would stare at me, wanting to go back out, so I followed her. She would lay back down on her bed and get comfortable while I sat in the chair next to her.

I want to go to the park I took her to on Friday, but leaving and coming home is still hard.

While I’m sitting on the porch, I’m watching the leaves fall from the trees and thinking about what my mom said, “…praying that she drifts away like an autumn leaf. So quiet and so beautiful.” She did mom. We kept eye contact while she drifted off. She blinked a few times while I stroked her, thanked her, apologized to her, told her I love her and that everything is going to be ok because she’s going night night. I believe that gave her comfort during her last moments Friday evening.

Thursday night she slept in the bed with me all night. She hasn’t slept in the bed in months. Not once did she ask to get down in the middle of the night like she has in the past.

This evening I went to the park I took her to Friday morning and sat in the same spot we were at. There were a lot of families out fishing and people walking their dogs. I took the time to journal a little and to just take in being outside. I knew it would be difficult leaving and coming back home, but she wanted me to get outside more.

Coming home to an empty house and not having her follow me around was not easy. I keep waiting to hear her tippy taps as she walks around the house.